Monday, June 25, 2007

Vacation, Part Two

I guess I've stalled long enough on writing the second installment on my vacation report. We didn't do anything very exciting. Which is not to say there wasn't any excitement. But first, let me tell you about my peaceful and prosaic mornings out on the patio.
I'd generally get up somewhere between 7:30 and 8; make myself a Coke Zero; and go out onto the patio with my Coke, cigarettes and a book. There I'd read and wait for the dog owners to bring their babies out for a morning walk; watch for the deer to coming out of the treeline to start their morning graze; and await my "neighbor's" arrival on the giant patio. He was the first one up in his fam and he'd come out with his coffee and we'd chat.
Peter was there from New Iberia, LA with his wife, two daughters and a granddtr. Both daughters were teachers and one of them was the owner at the Resort. They were BUSY. They went someplace every day. I was tired out just listenin' to their itinerary. They went to the Safari Ranch, SeaWorld, the Riverwalk, man were they tired when they came in at night. We traded shoppin' tips for the outlet mall in San Marcos, cause that is the one place that Mom and I did go.
This time I made it to Pottery Barn and Restoration Hardware Outlets. I picked up presents for Flo, and MattG, and his lovely Bride at Pottery Barn. Dearly Beloved got a present from Williams Sonoma. Angel Baby Girl and LaPhlegm got presents from Crate & Barrel. I was just a present buyin' fool.
I did buy a present for little ole me. I got this grey Tee. There's a map, sorta, of the United States. But Texas is drawn VERY clearly. And it's colored like the state flag. To the lower left is the word "TEXAS" and an arrow pointing to TX. Above the whole nation map is a word and an arrow pointing to the rest of the country. that word is...."whatever". Doncha' LOVE it?

Now for the drama of my trip.
As I was comin' up in the elevator while unloadin' the car, I shared a ride with a woman who had three young girls with her. When the woman saw where I was heading as I got off the elevator, she remarked, "OH, we're right above you!" I teasingly said to the girl who looked about 12 or 13, "You better not be stomping around up there. I'd hate to have to come up and kick your [and here I stage whispered] butt." I laughed and the woman laughed, so I figured she knew I was teasin'. Little did i know that a couple of nights later, I'd want to do EXACTLY that!

The mornings were Great! The patio, talking to my neighbor, watching Jinga [the black Lab] go through her morning fetch and sit and stay exercises; then watching for Mojo [a Yellow Lab] and Rose [a Red Dobie bitch] come out and play.
But then, the little girls upstairs would awaken from their slumbers around noon. It's been a long time since I lived in an apartment, and I guess I've lost my patience with upstairs neighbors. How in the world can 70 lb. girls sound like a herd of Charging Rhinos? And is their Mother on Downers or Booze? and illiterate to boot? She got the SAME welcome packet we did, the one that cautions you that "Quiet Time" starts at 10pm and asks that you be considerate of your neighbors. So why in blue blazes was she lettin' those girls run the friggin' whirlpool tub at 11:30pm? I thought I was more than restrained when I called and left a very polite message, stating the TIME on their phone asking that they cease running the whirlpool at that hour. I ended it with 'Thank You' even. I even kept my voice even and modulated, no profanity or screamin'. When the girls were running back and forth on the balcony above my bedroom at midnight, I stayed in bed and held my tongue, the first two nights. However, when I got up the next morning and found that they had kept MOM awake with their shenanigans....I was ready for them the next night.
When it got to be 10pm and they were out on the patio, stompin' and laughin' and carryin' on, I went upstairs. Just as I rounded the corner to their patio, I saw things go sailing over the railing and heard something go "splat". One girl was one who was staying there, and another was a much younger girl who was staying in the unit below where Mom and I were. She was just up there "visiting". I told them I was tired of the noise and it better quiet down. That if I heard another "peep" I was comin' back up and talkin' to the ADULT! "Do I make myself crystal clear, girls?" "Yes, Ma'am" they nodded.

While I didn't hear another sound from up there that night...when I went out on the patio the next morning, I saw what had made the 'splat' noise. There was a Ho-Ho on the hood of a Nissan SUV. There were also several Ho-Hos on the grass and sidewalk. I scribbled a note on a piece of paper and had just reached the car when the owner came down. I told her I knew who had "splatted" her car. Since it was a brand new paint job, she thanked me profusely. Her husband went to roust the little Bi+c# vandals out of bed, tell their Mama what they had done so that she could have them clean the car. Of course, now we see why these girls act the way they do. Mama denies all knowledge of what her Angels have been up to, then wants to know just how they are supposed to clean the car? Now I described in an earlier post how these units are fully stocked with towels, washcloths, even PAPER towels, for goodness sake. There were PLENTY of items for those girls to use as cleaning tools! Mama just wanted an out for her Sweet Preciouses. But the Lady stuck to her guns, and gave the girls a piece of her mind while they were cleanin' up their mess, too. The Nissan Lady was actually quite nice about it. She COULD have called Security and had them thrown out for the rest of the week! I think they got of easy, just having to clean up their mess.
At any rate, WE didn't have any more noise from upstairs.

Found out Mojo and Rose's parents had been stayin' there while they closed on a new house. So, I talked to their Mom, a Baylor grad, on their last morning there. She and I talked about how some men are just absolutely Hopeless when it comes to packin' and others are geniuses. Guess which kind she got Stuck with? However, when her husband opened the gate to his truck and motioned for Mojo and Rose to get in their kennels for the trip to their new home, they jumped in the same kennel, snuggled down and were good to go.

Jinga, the black Lab, got so close to a deer one morning she got hissed at! Can you imagine deer so tame and used to humans and dogs they'd keep grazing when a dog is runnin' towards them?!?! BTW, Jinga got here name b/c she was adopted from a shelter around Christmas time, and it's short for Jingle as in Jingle Bells.

So, tell me...why couldn't we have had Jinga's parents, or Mojo and Rose's parents above us? Why did we have to get the 3 Junior High Chargin' Rhino Ho-Ho Hos?


Heather said...

Just stopping by to see how the finger is. When my hand got stiff after my pinkie surgery I found that squeezing playdoh helped, as did either soaking it in a hot bath or heating a towel and wrapping it around my hand beside exercising it. After seeing your pic` I am rather happy I have permanent screws instead of temporary pins. I would have been bothered by seeing them removed. Pain would bother me less than seeing them pulled. Hope it's going well for you, Good Luck!

lainy said...

Well the title fell to you because any other person would have bitched those kids out, then woke up the mother and done the same to her. They were lucky it was you.

Little yard apes should have been tucked away in bed dreaming of ho-hos.

Rabbit said...

Obviously,Ho Ho Mom never heard of Benadryl for Children, or she was dosing herself with it.


phlegmfatale said...

I think you really took it easy on the Ho-Hos, actually. And their useless mother, too. I love that the car owner marched up there and held the whole gang accountable - little shits!

It sounds like a grand time, honey. I'm glad you got out of town for a bit. Sitting on the porch in the morning and watching the deer sounds perfect.