Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Why? Indeed!

Why choose a Precious Pet LifeGem diamond?

This question is part of the text on a page at www.lifegem.com. They will take the ashes, or hair, from your Beloved Phideaux, or Fee-Fee [if your a Doc or a Lawyer] and turn it into a DIAMOND! Don't believe me? Think I'm pullin' y'all's leg? Click on the link.

BUT, some one who will spend somewhere between $2699 for a .20 carat Yellow MAN MADE Diamond and [take a DEEP breath] $24,999 for a 1.50 carat Red man made diamond, from their dawg's [or cat's] ashes has WAY more money than sense!

And we're not even talking FLAWLESS man made diamonds, here, y'all. They practically guarantee these thing to HAVE flaws. In one letter I read, the Lady THANKED them for the flaws, after all, "He wasn't perfect." For 25K, I'd by Gawd and Greyhound want a diamond that was not only PERFECT, but would fetch the paper and attack on command! I'd want a diamond that was so dazzingly brilliant it would almost BLIND folks who GLANCED at it.

Oh, I forgot to mention, these prices are for UNSET stones. You still have to buy a mounting for them. Unless you were so ga-ga over GiGi that you're willing to unset GrandMa's engagement ring and put the hound's remains in that antique setting. Of course if you've got 25 thou to blow on a freakin' man made diamond from your mutt's, hell, even your Pure-Bred's ashes, you're not gonna be sweating where to come up with the cash for a mount for it, are y'all?

Now here's another thing to consider...you got your shiny new rock in it's shiny new setting, either on your finger, or on a chain around your neck so it can be close to your heart... aww, I'm tearin' up here. You're at a party. SOmeone notices your jewel, they compliment you. You thank them for the compliment and say, "Yes, BigBoy was the love of my life! And he always had a Red collar when he was alive, so when he died, I sent him to LifeGem and they turned his ashes into this gorgeous diamond for a mere $24,999! Now, I can wear him next to my heart until I die. Then he'll become a Family Heirloom for my Grandchildren to cherish." Can you just imagine the looks of admiration and envy you will garner from your friends and acquaintances?

Why, if I did that, my kids would have me before a judge and declared incompetent so fast it would take a week before my head would stop spinnin' And they LIKE my dawgs!

In fact, let this be my testament...ABG, Son, if I ever go off my rocker or any future meds on which I may be placed, and do something completely wacky like this, please, have me declared incompetent, before I squander any MORE money!



7 comments:

phlegmfatale said...

You know, I realized too late that when I had the doglet bred and they docked the tails at three days of age, I shoulda kept the little tail tips for earrings - they were SO cute! What was I thinking?

Maybe I could find a jack russell breeder who'd accommodate me.

Ambulance Driver said...

I'll make you a diamond for free. Just give me a charcoal briquet and face me off against a killer ostrich.

Just don't ask where it's been. ;)

lainy said...

Crazy, I say. Crazy. Who would want to pay all that money to wear Fido on their body?

Flo said...

I'm gonna start having all my critters stuffed. That way I can have them forever and ever because I'll even have them buried with me. That's even better (and a hell of a lot cheaper I would think) than a diamond, because it's hard to pet something that small.

Rabbit said...

I lost 2 dogs in the last 6 months. My mom thought I was crazy when I had them cremated and put the containers in my bookshelf in the den.

I knew a taxidermist who had an elderly lady bring her deceased poodle in to be stuffed; the little nasty decrepit balding apricot rat had the poor form to croak the morning before she left on a 2 week cruise, so she put him on a cookie sheet and popped him in the deepfreeze until she returned. I saw Pockets in regal repose, sitting up on his hind haunches waving his forepaws before all the wires had been trimmed. Looked like a worn-out dustmop with a whiskbroom in each paw.

SWMBO decided she'd have my hide tanned and use it to cover the seat of a ladder-back rocker when I'm gone. I'm kinda skinny.

Regards,
Rabbit.

phlegmfatale said...

"the little nasty decrepit balding apricot rat"

I laughed and laughed. When is rabbit going to start a blog???

You know, the other thing I was thinking about this is SO true - I'll bet this is a total scam and that they don't use the carbon from your pet - they just find some other already-cut lab-grown diamond and SAY it has FiFi in it.

g bro said...

I brush up enough kitty fuzz to knit a sweater per week. Just let me know - I'll sell them to you for $1000 each. Mr. Fuzzy is particularly prolific, being about the size of a sheep (he's sitting in a chair next to me making motorboat sounds). If you want a pure silver-grey sweater from the dashing Eduardo, you'll have to pay more - he's less fur-productive.