Monday, October 30, 2006

My Not So Secret Hallmark Addiction

For those of you who know me, this is not exactly a news flash. For those of you who came to this blog from a link on someone else's blog, I am about to expose one of the biggest money eating habits I have, other than nicotine and Ernie Keebler. { I've always said, if I was gonna cheat on my Dearly Beloved, it would be with that little tree dwelling elf}

I am on a quest to find the perfect card for everyone I know, for every possible occasion that may occur in their life. I cruise card displays the way vintners cruise their vinyards, the way master milliners cruise aisles of fabrics and netting and feathers, the way chefs cruise the meat and vegetable markets searching for the prime ingredients to create their savory delectables.
I will buy a card because I MIGHT need it for someone, someday. And thus, I have a bag of umpteengillion cards. Cards I bought so long ago, I don't even remember when I bought them. I found a card the other day that had the word "Yuppies" on it. Do you know how old that card must be? I found a card that had a copyright on it from 1988! Yikes! And you know what? I finally had the perfect couple to send that card to.

So, it's addressed and waiting for a stamp. I have the date written where the stamp will go, because it doesn't need to be mailed out for a couple of weeks, but I'm by Goddess ready. And if I hadn't bought that card 18 years ago, I wouldn't be ready. They would have had to settle for a less than perfect card. I am so good.

I have another card I'm gonna mail today. It's a divorce card. The Bride is falling off the cake. Very funny if you know the guy it's going to. BUT, those cards require just the right timing. You can't send them when the wounds are still fresh. And you can't send them while there's still a chance of reconciliation. No,no,no,no,no. Very bad. You have to wait until the recipient has had enough time to see the humor. For some people this time never comes. But it has for this guy.

I was in a book store that has a card section one day. I found an especially funny card. Now, I am one of those people given to outbursts of laughter in public. Sometimes I just can't help myself. My tickle box doesn't get turned over, it gets kicked over, and the guffaws just come tumbling out. So there I am, alone on the card aisle, laughing like a maniac, and I hear this voice, "I'd know that laugh anywhere. That's Mrs.____!" And this girl who had gone to Middle school with my XX child comes around the end of the aisle, and she laughs herself and gives me a big hug. She tells me how much she enjoys hearing my laughter. And she thanks me for brightening her day. She looks at the card, and she laughs, too. We talk for a bit, and then she says she has to go to class at the Univ. across the street.

I still add to my collection of cards. But lately I've been trying to use some of them, too. So, don't be surprised if you get a card for no reason at all. It's just me downsizing my stockpile.


Cait said...

When our son was much younger we used to go to the local Hallmark store just for the cheap giggles. I remember when he wasn't reading yet but would pick a card from the rack, look at it closely, open it up, then laugh and laugh and laugh with a "Here, Mommy, this one is funny." Ahhh...Hallmark memories....

G Bro said...

Just because we love doesn't make you sane. You have Hallmania. It's treatable, but if you start buying the cheesy little presents they also sell, we'll have to diagnose you as incurable. ;-)

phlegmfatale said...

I am the same - find a card I love and I HAVE to buy it. I have one of an old lady holding up a giant pair of pink granny-panties, and you open it up and it says "you wake up one day and suddenly, you're your mother. Happy birthday." Well, so far, I've nearly given it to 2 men in my family, just for a joke. I think I'll save it for husband's next birthday.