Saturday, February 09, 2008

The Whining Game

I actually DID get the following in an e-mail this week. Well, what I actually got was a link to this question. I began to see, in , BIG, bright, flashing, NEON letters, the words "BLOG FODDER, blog fodder, BLOG FODDER"

With thanks to the e-mailer who wishes to hide his/her identity so as not to cause family hysteria and a H/T to the venerable AD for all those fibromyalgia blogs as inspiration, I give you:

Holly's Helpful Hints for Fibromyalgieurs
Q. Do you know any lawyers willing to take on a personal-injury suit concerning fisting-induced fibromyalgia? When I call local personal-injury lawyers here in Eugene, Oregon, they get all flustered. —Fisting Fallout *
A. Fisting Fallout, sounds like after your partner pulled his fist out of the terminus of your alimentary canal, you stuffed your head so far up there you can no longer see daylight, you malingering son-of-a-bitch!
I call you a malingerer because even Dr. Frederick Wolfe, "the lead author of the 1990 paper" defining the diagnostic criteria for fibromyalgia is now "cynical and discouraged" in regards to this diagnosis. "He now considers the condition a physical response to stress, depression, and economic and social anxiety." [I shamelessly stole that quote from AD's blog about the article on Dr. Wolfe changing his considered opinion. Go read AD's blog and the link from which he quotes here.]

The DSM has a long and convoluted diagnostic criteria for Malingering. In a nutshell, you little whiner, it is the willful, fraudulent feigning or exaggeration of the symptoms of illness or injury to attain a consciously desired end.[Dorland, 2007] You want to blame a sexual encounter, in which you were, as an Adult, presumably a willing participant for the causation of your pretend disease. You want to file a personal- injury lawsuit based on the above premise.

Buckaroo, you need to BUTCH the fuck up! Use the search engine of your choice to find a definition of Personal Responsibility. Then start taking some for your own pathetic life. Quit trying to milk the taxpayers for disability payments. Quit trying to clog an overburdened court system with a nuisance lawsuit. Most of all, quit wasting the time of hardworking Emergency Department Personnel with your B.S. complaints that could be solved with either 500 mg of ibuprofen or a .45 caliber suppository inserted at 820 feet per second.
*the actual answer from the Villag Voice's Savage Love column is below:
A."It is a little controversial whether fibromyalgia is a real disease at all or just a mysterious constellation of symptoms," says Dr. Barak Gaster, Savage Love's resident medical expert. "Most mainstream doctors accept it as real, but it's still in the slightly dubious category."
Fibromyalgia's constellation of symptoms include fatigue, generalized pain, irritable bowel syndrome, headaches, and roughly 400 other complaints. But you fibromyalgia sufferers have arrived: There's a new drug on the market with a goofy name (Lyrica), an annoying ad campaign (courtesy of Pfizer), and its own constellation of possible side effects (hives, difficulty breathing, swelling of the tongue, dizziness, sleepiness, blurred vision, etc.).
But fisting-induced fibromyalgia? Maybe skidmarkalgia can be induced by fisting, FF, but not fibromyalgia. "That would NOT be considered credible in any real way whatsoever," says Dr. Gaster. You may have fibromyalgia, FF, and you may have been fisted before your diagnosis, but there's no relationship, and no personal-injury lawyer is going to take your case.


phlegmfatale said...

I'd title this post "Is that your foot in my arse, or are you happy to shoe me?"

Brilliantly stated, darling, and I just love how willing you are to GO THERE.

g bro said...

That was a bit more than I needed to know.

Name this "quote":

"You are malingering! I prescribe eis-wasser enemas for everybody!"

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