Sunday, October 22, 2006

Chanel and George

Y'all remember Chanel, the Dancing Queen, right? Well, George was her husband. By the Grace of a Wise and Merciful God, George and Chanel never had children. What they did have was a passionate, though sometimes stormy marriage.

George comes into the office one day and asks to see Randa, Chanel's former Parole Officer. Randa is now the Unit Supervisor, so she brings George across the hall and introduces him to me. "George, this is Holly So-So, she is Chanel's Parole Officer now. She's the person you need to talk to about any problem you have with Chanel." {btw, I always wanted to open a Chinese restaurant and name it Holly So-So}
George and I sit down and he launches into his tale of woe:
Miz So-So, you got to do Something about Chanel!
Well, give me a clue, George. What, exactly, is Chanel doing?
She's gone CRAZY!

Now, I'm thinking Chanel's about a bubble off plumb on a GOOD day, so I'm still lost as to what the problem is.

George, what is Chanel doing that makes you say she's 'crazy'?
She thinks I'm cheatin' on her.
Well, Are you? Cheatin' on her?
Not really.
Not Really? What does that mean, exactly, George?
Well, Miz So-So, I see this Lady. And we go out.
And sometimes we have a drink or two...
and I don't say anything, I just wait.
and sometimes we go dancing...
I think "Bingo", that would most definitely light Chanel's fuse.
You see, what with Chanel's parole conditions and all and her not being allowed to go to bars and such like, well when I get off work I like to go out and blow off a little steam. And a man likes to have company when he goes out and I ain't really cheatin' on Chanel but you see she THINKS I'm cheatin' and so last night, well actually it was this morning if you get right down to it...
Right down to what, George?
Well, now, just give me a second, I'm trying to break this to you gently, like, so's you don't get too upset with Chanel. I don't want her to go back to Gatesville... and...
I interrupt him...
Go back to Gatesville for What?!?!
Now, now, Calm down, Miz So-So, I wasn't the one who called the Po-leese. One of the neighbors must have called them b/c of all the racket she was making.
All the racket? What was she doing? to make racket?
Well, I was a bit late gettin' in, and it was oh, I guess it was about 1, maybe 1:30 in the morning. And Chanel, she had a full head of steam built up. So, I pull in to my parking spot in the apartments, and she comes out there w/ the baseball bat we keep in our place for protection. And she comences to whalein on my car.
On your car, not you?
Oh, no, Ma'am! Chanel wouldn't hit me! She loves me! She just beat up my car. Said if I was gonna use my car to run around, cheatin on her with Floozies, she fix it so I couldn't use my car no more. And she did a pretty good job , too. By the time the Po-leese got there she had broken all the windows and windshield, the headlights, dented the driver's door, put some good dents in the hood and the trunk. I told the Po-leese Officer I didn't want to press charges, but he took her away anyhow. Said she was creating a public disturbance. You got to do Something, Miz So-So, I don't want her to go back to prison, but I don't want her beating up my car no more either.
Well, George, I don't have a choice here. Since she got arrested I have to report the new arrest. You do whatever you want to do. If you want to bail her out, and you can afford it, you go bail her out. But I still have to report that she violated her parole.

And I showed him out.
I went over to the police statino and picked up a copy of the police report and interviewed Chanel. She asked me what my recommendation was going to be. I told her I didn't know, that I hadn't decided. And that was true, I hadn't decided.
But I went back to the office. I read the police report. I called a Domestic Violence Counselor I knew and discussed the situation with her, got her take on the situation, discussed the situation with Randa.
I knew Randa would recommend issuing a Blue Warrant and revocation of Parole. That was her standard recommendation for every violation. Period.

Given Chanel's history of violence, and her current state of emotional "upset" I recommended a warrant and a revocation hearing. BUT, I also gave TPTB a fall back position. If they would not give me a warrant, I requested two new special conditions of mandatory anger management counseling and mandatory marriage counseling.
That way, my pretty little tookus was covered if any future violent incidents occurred. "Hey, I tried to fix the problem. The Board wouldn't give me a warrant, so I sent her to counseling, not my fault, don't look at me. " Yeah, I knew how to cover my a$$.


Flo said...

Floozies?? He was cheatin'on her with Floozies?? There's more than one of us?? Go Chanel!

G Bro said...

A typo, I'm sure. There just couldn't be more than one capital-F Floozie!

phlegmfatale said...

Wow, never a dull moment, eh?