Thursday, July 10, 2008


Back during the last week of June Cabela's had a great sale. I was in Killeen, swamped with family angst. I called the Dearly Beloved and reminded him of the sale, which model we wanted, and to get there on the 26th, before they sold out of the item in which we were interested.

When I finally got home Friday night, he had to go out to his truck and get it. He and #1 Son [Matt G.] had left it in there when they got back from the store. But they had a LOT of fun judging from all the locations they'd left in the “Recently Found” memory.

Yes, y'all, I'm referring to DB's newest little Bitch...Gertrude. It's a Garmin and has a female voice and Dearly Beloved is totally enamored of it/her. Hence the name Gertrude. It's the ugliest name I could think of that begins with a “G”. Of course, HE has diminutized it to “Gertie”. GAG!

I will admit, she is handy. She found a couple of nifty restaurants for us. One of those trips will make a nice little blog at another time for their pies alone. BUT...

Sometimes my right foot or my right thumb [if I'm using the accelerate button when on cruise control] gets a “mite” heavy when I'm passin' some dolt. Gertrude snitches me off if DB touches the right place on her screen. BITCH. He wants to know just WHEN I was going 79 mph. Well, Hell's Belles! I don't remember! I probably went that fast for about 30 seconds 50 miles ago getting' around that pokey puppy in the blue Ford.

I like the feature that tells me what direction I'm going. I mean I can parse it out from the sun in the daytime, usually. But it's nice to have a machine tell me I'm heading North EAST or South WEST.

But you miss ONE little merge on a Cloverleaf and your Dearly Beloved will dahm near wet his pants laughin' so frackin' hard by the time you have painted all FOUR leaves of the cloverleaf “magenta” [as he likes to call it] on the GPS screen. Then again, if his parents had loved him enough to buy him the 64 count box of Crayolas, he'd KNOW it's actually called “orchid.” Mocking Bitch!


CB Lainy said...

She's a informative bitch. I rather enjoyed her company on that short trip, but I love you more, my loyal friend.

DW said...

I have "Nadine the Navi-bitch", most annoying female voice on the planet. She does however know how to get everywhere.
I need a new one with more functions.

g bro said...

I want one! Maybe someday.
Yes, maybe the first class distinction I experienced was in elementary school when other kids had more crayons than me.

phlegmfatale said...

Ah, everyone's a critic. Isn't it rather more "mauve???"

Rabbit said...

Wife and I got a Garmin for her youngest Incubus for Christmas. Neither of her sprogii have a clue about direction and historically, we've referred to him as 'GPS Boy'. We had hoped that technology would advance to a point where we could have him implanted, actually.

Using his GPS unit, he was sent to fetch me at work one evening when my truck was in the shop. Somehow he ended up near Duncanville, via S.O.C. instead of closer to the Coppell area (effin' Google Map it if you're not familiar, but there's about 20 miles distance). ABout 9:30 he 'got tired of driving' and pulled over in the parking lot of a Stop-and-Rob off Jefferson Ave. in SW Dallas to take a nap. He got home about 0300, after we told him how to retrace his route mapped over the GPS.

Buy them books and buy them books, but all they do is chew the covers. Applies to useful tech toys, too.


Christina LMT said...

Sounds like you have Gertrude-issues...;)

No one likes a snitch!