Friday, March 14, 2008

Will I Still Be Friends With LawDog?

As you can tell from the title of this post, I have a dilemma.

Through no conscious effort I find myself becoming The Most Powerful Woman in the Universe. I consider LawDog a friend. We agree on most important issues. However, with his plans for World Domination with his Legions of Flying Monkeys...you can see where this could lead to conflict, can't you?



At first, I thought my power was just a fluke. I'd be approaching a red light and wish it would turn green. Before I could decelerate, it'd be green. About 3 weeks ago, the Dearly Beloved and I had Kroger Private Selection Crab Cakes [our favorite mass market brand] and broiled scallops for dinner. The next week I was at Kroger. I had bought some chicken on sale, a roast at a GREAT price, and some pork ribs at a steal. As I was approaching the seafood aisle, I thought, "I wish those crab cakes were on sale, 'cause I sure would like to have them again soon." Now I knew, realistically, this was NOT gonna happen. Those crab cakes are NEVER on sale. I turn the corner and what's the first thing I see in the case? Kroger Priv. Select'n. Crab Cakes at 50 cents off a box! OK, fine!

Wednesday night, after our fine dinner at KFC in Vicksburg, I'm soakin' in a nice hot tub. I say to the Dearly Beloved, "I would KILL for a Jacuzzi right now." Flash forward to Thursday night, 9:20 . We're checkin' in to the Best Western in Augusta. We're a day earlier than the reservations DB made, so I'm asking the clerk if she has a smokin', ground floor room with a King bed. She looks at me with a sad face, "No,Ma'am. All our smoking rooms are on the 3rd floor and are two doubles." I return her sad face. "BUT, we have a Jacuzzi room on this floor and it's a smoking room. It has a King bed." "OOOOHHHH?" I draw it out in a lilting tone meant to express interest and a question all at the same time. She let us have the more expensive Jacuzzi room at the same rate we were going to pay for a room we would have had to take an elevator to get to!

I have but to wish for something and it is made manifest. So I repeat myself, I am becoming THE MOST POWERFUL WOMAN in the UNIVERSE. I don't think it will be necessary for LawDog and I to terminate our friendship when he begins to implement his World Domination plans. I believe we can peacefully coexist. I have no desire [at this time] to interfere with his plans, as I know them to be.

11 comments:

CBL said...

You delightfully entertain me;)

g bro said...

I only have two superpowers: I make streetlights go out and I make restaurants popular. If I find some great little place to eat that's quiet and comfortable, the line is usually out the door in 6-8 weeks. Then, as Yogi Berra said, "Nobody goes there any more. It's too crowded."

LawDog said...

Heh.

phlegmfatale said...

Okay, I think you're onto something there, because I've had flying monkeys on the brain lately, and even mentioned them in a post a couple days ago. Suspect foul play.

I don't know Mr. Dog, but I'm betting he'll never rock a pair of Fluevog heels the way you do, my dear!

Have fun in your travels and come home safe to Texas.

phlegmfatale said...

I'm really worried about y'all out there with all that bad weather. Please take care of your darling selves.

CB Lainy said...

Yes, I'm concerned as well. Post a little note so we know you missed all that nasty weather.

phlegmfatale said...

I talked to Holly on the phone Saturday night, and the wedding went off without a hitch, everyone safe. :)

Er, they got hitched without a. er.

CB Lainy said...

Thanks Phlegmmy. I was worried. Glad to know the hitching went well.

Christina LMT said...

Where do I fit in here? Does the MOST POWERFUL WOMAN in the UNIVERSE need a personal massage therapist? If so, I know a gal who might be interested...;)

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SpeakerTweaker said...

Great, psychic friend! Now, say "Money will fall from the sky!"

SAY IT!!!

pleeze!?

;)



tweaker