Tuesday, June 05, 2007

My Finger is Gonna Get

screwed...back together. Dr. Major B. took one look at the X-Ray and said, "Yep, it's broken." To which I retorted, "I knew THAT before the X-Ray! What are you gonna do about it?" He grinned and said he was gonna put me to sleep Friday mornin' to perform an "open reduction with internal fixation of left 5th proximal phalanx." WTF? That means he's gonna open my pinky and put 2 screws in to rejoin the pieces of broken bone.
This is actually a GOOD thing! When it heals from the surgery, I'll be able to bend the finger again. This simple action will facilitate greatly such things as grasping many objects, such as cups, glasses, forks, spoons, pens, pencils, the needles I use to do my stitchwork, the yarn I use to make cutey embellished Flip-Flops, supporting my right hand when it grips a pistol in the Weaver Stance, the steering wheel of the car, the handle of the mower, the brushes I use to groom the dawgs, my new camera, the switches for the windows in my car, the mailbox door, the door locks, the car door handle.

You think I'm whining don't you? Well, you try going thru an hour or two tomorrow with your middle, ring and pinky immobilized on your dominant hand. See just how awkward it is using just your thumb and index finger on that hand and your off hand to accomplish your normal tasks. And don't forget to wince whenever your immobilized fingers touch something or bend even slightly. OK? Then come back and we'll talk.

I think I'm doin' pretty good posting on drugs and with one hand and one finger.

7 comments:

Ambulance Driver said...

Yeah, but when you sip your drinks with that pinky finger stuck out, people will think you're cultured!

Heather said...

Not to make you too sad or anything, I have a twice screwed pinkie from a radial fracture - broken in two but twisted as it does it - and it took 2 months of cast/brace wearing, physical therapy and a buttload of pain to get it kinda normal. Mine got a dog l;eash stuck on it and when I got to the ER the nurse said it might not be broken, but the fingernail was facing down, not up - by that I mean it was backwards. Anyway, if you have any freaky pinky screw questions or want to see the trippy xray you get let me know, and good luck!

Heather said...

Wow! I just scrolled down and saw that you too suffered the fate of a leash. Weird, huh?

phlegmfatale said...

you're typing beautifully, darling. Glad they can fix it all for you! But surgery? Yeowch!

g bro said...

But the good news is that the middle finger of your other hand still works, so your visual communications may be unabated.

Get better soon!

Fathairybastard said...

Isn't there some hugely overfunded federal agency protecting people from these crazy leash incidents? Bet there will be soon.

HollyB said...

I hope not, FHB, my taxes are high enough as it is. Since I'm not in Gradual School anymore I don't stand a snowball's chance in Hell of getting any grant money to study the prob, so I don't want anyone else to get it either.